10 Weeks and counting

Woo wee, I had the best of intentions in starting this blog, that I would be able to use it as a good outlet for myself, and I was hoping to stay consistent with it. But...the first trimester does things to you.

Yes. We're pregnant. Baby number four!

I don't even know where to begin with everything that's changed around here in the last couple months. But I'll say this: This baby was a bit of a surprise.

If i back up about a month and a half before I got the positive pregnancy test, I find myself out at a bar with a girlfriend, telling her about how I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet, and subsequently lost alllll of my NFP charts, which were not backed up. She joked that I would probably get pregnant the following month. And I totally did.

I knew something was up when I got 8 days of positive ovulation tests in a row that month (Just an FYI, we use a super scientific- NOT- method of NFP where we are conservative with days and I take some ovulation tests a couple days there in the middle of my cycle, and we usually discern correctly which days are safe and which ones aren't). Silly as that method of NFP sounds, and no NFP instructor on EARTH would approve of it, it had been working successfully for us, since my cycles are regular, and we almost made it a year of successfully postponing another pregnancy, which is our longest stretch to date.

Oddly enough, we had also just sat down and had a big heart to heart about the state of our family, and our need to postpone another baby, possibly for a couple of years. It was a difficult thing for me to come to grips with, but mostly because I am just so darn used to being pregnant, and thinking about entering a new phase was freaking me out. Also, I am the one who tends more towards making sure we are being generous, and Pat is the one who tends more towards making sure we are being prudent. But I had come to accept that it might be a while before another baby.

Imagine my surprise to see that positive pregnancy test. Don't get me wrong, I am always excited to see it. But every other time it hasn't been quite as...well, surprising.

It's definitely been a roller coaster ride accepting the reality of this pregnancy. There were a few weeks there where after I got that positive test, I went off of my anti-anxiety medication for the sake of the pregnancy, and tanked hard. I was not coping with life even a fraction as well as I had been on that medication, and I was downright upset that while this new baby (an exciting, joyful thing, but also a big life change) had been placed into our lives, an important coping mechanism had been taken off of my plate. I eventually did decide with my doctor to go back on my medication, because...well. I still have three kids outside my body and a husband and myself to take care of for the next nine months, and white knuckling my way through this pregnancy without my meds didn't seem like a smart choice.

As time goes on I am more and more excited, and I think the thing that really brought it all home for me was telling the kids. Isn't that always the most stressful thing? It is for me at least: how will the kids react? How will this new baby affect them? Will they be excited?

The kids (well, the older two) were absolutely thrilled. My five year old gave me a big hug and told me how "proud he was" of me for having a new baby in my tummy. My three year old is very excited about all the things she will get to do with the new baby (feeding it milk, tucking it into bed, hopefully learning to be gentle in the next 8 months so she doesn't smother it), and wonders regularly where we will put it because, do we have room in our house?

Our youngest, who will be 2 in February literally has no idea, but is making me wonder whether or not he can sense that something big is coming down the pike, by waking up constantly in the middle of the night to scream my name and the refusing to go back to sleep.

I feel so blessed and so thrilled to be adding this new life into the mix of our crazy family.

6 years of marriage. 4 moves. 4 job changes. 4 babies!!